How to Interview a Therapist, Part 3: Reflecting After the Consult
In Part 1, we looked at how to prepare for a therapy consult, including what to think about ahead of time. In Part 2, we walked through what questions to ask during the consult.
In this final part, we’ll talk about what comes next: how to reflect on your experience, trust your gut, and make a decision that feels thoughtful and right for you.
The Consult is Over. Now what?
Whether you’re confident it’s a yes, clear it’s a no, or still unsure, this is a good time to pause and reflect. Unless you’re totally certain, giving yourself a little space can be helpful.
Take a moment to check in with yourself. How did it feel to talk with them? When you imagine working with this therapist, what shows up? You don’t have to analyze it or draw conclusions just yet. Simply notice what’s there.
Whatever showed up—whether it was clear or murky, comforting or confusing—is probably an important piece of information. That feeling might be telling you something about whether this connection feels safe, supportive, or aligned with what you need.
If you tend to second-guess yourself or worry whether “just a feeling” is enough to go on, it might help to know research consistently shows the quality of the therapeutic relationship—how safe, respected, and understood you feel—is one of the strongest predictors of positive outcomes in therapy (Horvath et al., 2011, Flückiger et al., 2018).
In fact, that relationship between therapist and client is often more important than the specific therapy style being used. So if you felt reassured and supported when you spoke with them, that’s worth paying attention to. Your gut reaction might be pointing you toward the kind of connection that makes change possible.
What if feeling safe doesn’t come easy?
If you have a history of trauma, emotional neglect, or chaotic relationships, it makes sense that trust might not come easily. You don’t have to feel totally sure right away. Sometimes even a small shift is meaningful.
For example, if you usually feel very guarded around people but felt a little more at ease—or even just slightly less on guard—that’s worth noticing. A subtle change in how you felt during the consult might be your nervous system telling you something. Sometimes it just whispers, this might be worth exploring.
That said, feeling unsafe or uneasy in a way that’s hard to shake is absolutely something to take seriously. You shouldn’t force yourself into a relationship that doesn’t feel right.
It’s also worth noticing how the therapist works.
Did their approach make sense to you, either practically or intuitively? You don’t need to understand all the theory behind it, but you should have a general sense of what you’d be signing up for.
If their explanation felt confusing or full of buzzwords, that’s worth paying attention to. Most therapy models have some technical language, but a good therapist should be able to explain what they do in everyday terms. You’re allowed to ask questions or simply notice that it didn’t really land.
Scoring Guide
Some people find it helpful to organize their impressions with a bit of structure, especially if they’re choosing between multiple therapists or feeling stuck. If that sounds like you, the guide below might help bring things into focus.
Want a version you can fill out on your computer or print? [Download the Scoring Guide here]
Note: Some browsers (like Chrome) don’t always display fillable PDFs correctly. For best results, download the form and open it using Adobe Acrobat.
This isn’t a tool that’s been tested in formal research studies, but it can help you get clearer about your experience so you can make a decision that feels thoughtful and right for you.
You’ll be rating each therapist you meet on four key areas:
Gut Feeling – Did you feel comfortable? Was there a sense of connection or ease?
Practical Matters – Are the logistics workable (cost, scheduling, location/format)?
Approach & Experience – Does their style make sense to you? Do they seem equipped to help with what you're facing?
Identity & Values – Do you feel seen, respected, and understood in the ways that matter to you?
For each category, use the scale below:
0 – Not at all what I’m looking for. Something felt off.
1 – Not quite right, but maybe workable. Some hesitations.
2 – Mostly fits. A few small question marks, but overall solid.
3 – Exactly what I hoped for. Clear alignment.
You can total your score or take an average, especially if you're comparing multiple therapists and want a clear snapshot. But remember, the number isn’t everything. What matters most is what the scoring process helps you notice.
That said, not all categories carry equal weight. Remember the research we mentioned earlier? Your gut feeling—your sense of connection or ease—may be the most important factor when it comes to successful therapy.
A low score in any category—especially a zero—is worth paying attention to. For example, you might meet someone who feels like the perfect fit, but they don’t take insurance and their rate is ten times what you can afford. That’s a hard zero in the practical matters category, and it probably means it’s not going to work, no matter how promising the rest feels.
On the other hand, maybe someone didn’t score a perfect 3 in every category, but your gut said, “Yeah, I think I can work with this person.” That matters too. A therapist who scores mostly 2s might still feel like a solid yes, especially if they’re strong in the areas that matter most to you.
So let the numbers guide you, but not dictate your choice. Let them point you toward clarity, not away from your instincts.
A Quick Note on What Not to Base Your Decision On
You don’t need a perfect reason to say no. And you don’t owe anyone a yes.
People choose therapists for all kinds of reasons, but some of those reasons might not lead to good experiences. If you find yourself...
Worrying you’ll hurt their feelings if you don’t choose them
Thinking, “Well, I’ve already invested this much effort”
Feeling you should pick them because they were really nice
There are good moments to slow down and ask, “Is this the right reason for me?”
You’re allowed to make a decision based on what actually feels workable and right for you, not one out of guilt or fear.
Time to Decide. Or Not.
By now, you’ve taken time to reflect, maybe used the Scoring Guide, and hopefully started to get a clearer sense of what feels right. Even so, deciding what comes next isn’t always straightforward. You might be totally ready to move forward, totally sure it’s not the right fit, or still somewhere in the middle.
If you’re ready to move forward
If you’re ready to move forward with a therapist—great! Reach out and schedule. You can also check in about availability, next steps, or anything you forgot to ask during the consult. You don’t have to feel perfectly sure. Just ready enough to give it a try.
If you know it’s not a good fit
If you know the therapist isn’t the right fit, that’s just as useful. It might feel frustrating or disappointing, but it’s still useful information. You’re one step closer to finding the right person. You don’t need to explain or justify your decision, but a brief message letting them know you won’t be moving forward is a thoughtful way to close the loop. It’s okay to keep it short and simple. Ending things clearly—even if it feels a little awkward—is part of finding the right support. And a good therapist will get it.
If you’re still unsure
And if you’re still unsure—even after all this reflecting and scoring—that will definitely be frustrating. Really frustrating. But that doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong. Some decisions take time, especially when they’re this personal. If you’re in that in-between space, here are a few things you can try:
Send a follow-up email with any lingering questions
Schedule a single trial session to feel things out
Talk to another therapist for comparison
Sometimes you won’t know if it’s a good fit until you’ve actually worked with them for a session or two. If you tend to put others’ needs ahead of your own, that can make trial sessions feel tricky. You might worry about attending a full session, then feeling guilty about not continuing or about hurting their feelings. That’s completely understandable. But it’s okay to prioritize your own needs here. Scheduling a session doesn’t mean you’re committing long-term. You’re allowed to try it out, see how it feels, and make your decision from there.
That said, trial sessions aren’t easy on the wallet. If you’re paying out of pocket, the cost can add up quickly. And if you’re using insurance, it’s worth checking whether seeing multiple therapists could affect your benefits or claims.
Final Thoughts
You don’t need a perfect therapist. You just need someone you feel safe enough and good enough to start with. This process can take time. Every step you take is part of finding the right fit. And don’t underestimate your gut. It’s one of your best tools. You’re the best expert on how you feel in someone’s presence. Trust that.
Want to revisit earlier parts of this series?
Read Part 1: Preparing for the Consult
Read Part 2: What to Ask During the Consult